She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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