I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
