At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
