I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
