So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've blown a few things in my day
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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