The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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