every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
