gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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