Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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