I wanna bring you to show and tell
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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