These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
