Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
