I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
