I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
