dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
