Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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