the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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