Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
