i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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