anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
