My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
