On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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