What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this boner is exhausting
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
