Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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