I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
