But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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