Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
