Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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