It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
