There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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