Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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