i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
