$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
