i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I fill condoms, not promises.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
