I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
COCAINE IS GR8
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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