is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
