Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How does it feel to date your dad?
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