i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
