My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
