It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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