Christians are straight up FREAKS
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
