i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
