So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
