I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
