my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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