No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
