I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
