You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
