your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
