the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
