Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
50% drunk capacity currently
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
