yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
