If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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