What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
