I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
In America we eat man semen.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
