how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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