she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
